I saw the train wreck coming or at least I thought I did.
One of the guys in my “pad group” was becoming increasingly enamored with Ms. Tennessee Two Step (TTS). She was in her early 20s and appeared to have those “Cover Girl” model qualities. He was not happily married and had a daughter. My alarms came from my previous experience with “the blonde” from the car dealership. When I tried to warn him, all I got was a laugh.
SO….yes, the big “SO.” How in the world did I do the very same thing I warned him against? Of course – please allow me to (initially) not take any responsibility – she was a flirt, ‘to the max.’ Looks, words, touch; all geared to get a guy going. Perhaps it was a game for her or some odd revenge against a previous male (or just the male of the species in general). She was like “lighter fluid” on the fire of my porn addiction and discontent in my marriage. Since I was the lead, I could ‘schedule’ the two of us to work on the weekends – how convenient, eh? Of course, I felt sorry for her too since my buddy had been told by TTS that she had been abused by her father; hmm….was there truth to this? Was that the reason she came on to older guys – I have no idea.
I had periods of trying to curtail my carnal desires and act as a ‘big brother’ or ‘father’ figure toward her. Had her over to the house to meet El and we’d all play Nintendo Tetris up in the loft. Funny, when El was playing, TTS took that as an opportunity to flirt with me behind El’s back. In retrospect, I can’t believe that El was that blind; surely if she had noticed, she would have said something but she never did.
At some point, I just completely fell for her and/or her flirtatious lie(s). I was ready to chuck it all and leave my wife. Wow, what a deja vu, back at the car dealership I separated from El for similar circumstances. Just like the Chrysler blonde, TTS turned off the charm-light when things were going past ‘fun & fantasy’ to real-life marriage break-up. Did I ever engage in sex with her? Physically – no; mentally – yes. In those days, I continued to rationalize that fantasy land was not real; thus, it was not adultery. However, in all honesty, little kissing episodes up on the launch tower or in the elevator was physical and I’m sure El would have had t said something about that (had she known).
Finally, guilt regained control of me and I partially confessed to El what was going on. We went to marriage counseling (2nd time during the marriage). Again the counselor was secular (since neither of us practiced any form of religion) and the ‘cure’ this time was that I needed a hobby. I can’t believe the counselor actually suggested a computer – what an absolute mistake.
Off to the next chapter…in Pandora’s Box.
Or back to the previous blog Return to Florida.
babychristian55 